I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can I color on your dick again?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
