my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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