I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
