Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
