I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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