My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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