I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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