I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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