i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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