he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
