I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
