god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
