the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
