dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
