i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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