when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
