Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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