I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
