Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
should my penis look like a turkey
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
