I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
