He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
