am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize