piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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