You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
