I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
