Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
