it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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