Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
