she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I see more hoeing in ur future
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