I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
