i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
