Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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