my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize