On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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