My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
