garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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