I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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