So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
