I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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