I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
