So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
