How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
