I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
