it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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