Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
