Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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