i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
