That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Terrible idea I love it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
