Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
