Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
