I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
nutella sex= disaster
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
