My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
