Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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