Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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