he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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