I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize