I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
