Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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