May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
