My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
