What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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