party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
