I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
