Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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