I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
