She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
