her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
