Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
