He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The ass gains better be worth it
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