so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
