Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
