it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
