also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
