you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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