Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
