were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
