toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As shirtless as possible
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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