He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
