When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize