shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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