he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
